Divorcing a narcissist
Narcissists are like the Wizard of Oz, they give the image of a powerful persona, but they are fragile to their very core.
The Narcissistic Hook
A narcissist will spend years love-bombing the living daylights out of you. Love bombing is the way a narcissist makes you think and feel you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Perhaps the first few months of dating consisted of utterly charming and adoring behaviours. After all, you will believe that you are so much “nicer” “cleverer” “prettier or handsome” than their exes.
Your hooked and married before you can say the word narcissist
However, if you disagree or set a boundary, the narcissist will almost always start the devaluing process where they will tell you:
You’ve misunderstood
You’re mentally unstable
You’re too sensitive
Nobody will want you
Everybody thinks you’re crazy
You always get things wrong
Etc, etc, etc…
Why divorcing a narcissist is beyond difficult?
As well as an array of derogatory comments. They will then discard you, and this can take many forms, for example, stonewalling, replacing, cheating, smear campaigns and they can do this over and over again in a relationship. By the time it gets to divorce, you no longer trust your judgements.
Divorcing a narcissist can be an incredibly painful and traumatic process, and especially so if you don’t truly understand narcissism or how to respond to it.
Unfortunately, most people have no idea how to respond to narcissistic behaviour, losing thousands of pounds in court and solicitor fees and ending up feeling completely and utterly broken by the whole process.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, by the time you make the decision has been made to divorce, you will have lost the confidence in your own decision making
Narcissistic abuse is what I think of as the ‘drip-drip effect’; it’s done subtly and manipulatively to start with, then is ramped up over a sustained period. By the end you will have lost yourself somewhere in the relationship and will have been made to think everything was your fault: you’re not a good spouse, you’re not a good parent, and nothing you do is ever going to be good enough.
Sound familiar?
Now, imagine going through all that and walking into a solicitor’s office already feeling completely broken – with your confidence on the floor – before the divorce has even started happening. This is what I see time and time again. If you’ve managed to find your way to mediation it will no doubt have ended badly as well, as this is just another way for the narcissist to manipulate the system – and most likely, the mediator too. Traditional mediation simply does not work if you’re mediating with a narcissist.
Communicating with a narcissist
You can’t communicate with a narcissist in the same way you can with other people; the rules are entirely different.
During the court process, it is vital to surround yourself with people who believe you. More often than not, narcissists (in their usual charming and intelligent way) will hoodwink the legal professionals, manipulating them into viewing their partner as being hysterical and exaggerating the problems in their marriage. It can feel like an uphill struggle getting anyone to believe what you have to say in the face of such charm.
Let me show you how to communicate more effectively so that you can start to rebuild your power while recovering your resilience.
Small steps, significant changes
Even without the narcissistic aspect, divorce (and its consequences, especially if you have children together) can be one of the worst things you will ever have to go through, from the financial aspect to the emotional turmoil, which is often spread out over several stressful months or even years.
Divorce can leave you feeling lonely, depressed, and hopeless, and things are often ten times worse if you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Let me show you how to navigate your divorce and cope with any issues you may come across when dealing with a narcissist. As you progress through your divorce, the skills and techniques you will learn will last you far beyond your divorce and into your happy, healthy future. What you will learn is a game-changer.
