Divorcing a narcissist
Narcissists are like the Wizard of Oz, they give the image of a powerful persona, but they are fragile to their very core.
The Narcissistic Hook
A narcissist will spend years love-bombing the living daylights out of you. Love bombing is the way a narcissist makes you think and feel you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Perhaps the first few months of dating consisted of utterly charming and adoring behaviours. After all, you will believe that you are so much “nicer” “cleverer” “prettier or handsome” than their exes.
Your hooked and married before you can say the word narcissist
However, if you disagree or set a boundary, the narcissist will almost always start the devaluing process where they will tell you:
You’ve misunderstood
You’re mentally unstable
You’re too sensitive
Nobody will want you
Everybody thinks you’re crazy
You always get things wrong
Etc, etc, etc…
Why divorcing a narcissist is beyond difficult?
As well as an array of derogatory comments. They will then discard you, and this can take many forms, for example, stonewalling, replacing, cheating, smear campaigns and they can do this over and over again in a relationship. By the time it gets to divorce, you no longer trust your judgements.
Divorcing a narcissist can be an incredibly painful and traumatic process, and especially so if you don’t truly understand narcissism or how to respond to it.
Unfortunately, most people have no idea how to respond to narcissistic behaviour, losing thousands of pounds in court and solicitor fees and ending up feeling completely and utterly broken by the whole process.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, by the time you make the to divorce, you will have lost the confidence in your own decision making
Narcissistic abuse is what I think of as the ‘drip-drip effect’; it’s done subtly and manipulatively to start with, then is ramped up over a sustained period. By the end you will have lost yourself somewhere in the relationship and will have been made to think everything was your fault: you’re not a good spouse, you’re not a good parent, and nothing you do is ever going to be good enough.
Sound familiar?
Now, imagine going through all that and walking into a solicitor’s office already feeling completely broken – with your confidence on the floor – before the divorce has even started happening. This is what I see time and time again. If you’ve managed to find your way to mediation it will no doubt have ended badly as well, as this is just another way for the narcissist to manipulate the system – and most likely, the mediator too. Traditional mediation simply does not work if you’re mediating with a narcissist.
Communicating with a narcissist
You can’t communicate with a narcissist in the same way you can with other people; the rules are entirely different.
During the court process, it is vital to surround yourself with people who believe you. More often than not, narcissists (in their usual charming and intelligent way) will hoodwink the legal professionals, manipulating them into viewing their partner as being hysterical and exaggerating the problems in their marriage. It can feel like an uphill struggle getting anyone to believe what you have to say in the face of such charm.
Let me show you how to communicate more effectively so that you can start to rebuild your power while recovering your resilience.
Small steps, significant changes
Even without the narcissistic aspect, divorce (and its consequences, especially if you have children together) can be one of the worst things you will ever have to go through, from the financial aspect to the emotional turmoil, which is often spread out over several stressful months or even years.
Divorce can leave you feeling lonely, depressed, and hopeless, and things are often ten times worse if you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Let me show you how to navigate your divorce and cope with any issues you may come across when dealing with a narcissist. As you progress through your divorce, the skills and techniques you will learn will last you far beyond your divorce and into your happy, healthy future. What you will learn is a game-changer.
What to expect
What to expect
When you decide to see a Psychologist, it’s natural to have questions and uncertainties about what to expect. I offer support and expertise in addressing a wide range of mental and emotional challenges, including but not limited to depression, anxiety, relationship issues, addiction, trauma, self-esteem, family dynamics, career stress, and life transitions.
My approach to therapy is very eclectic in that I employ many therapeutic approaches to help individuals, couples, and families improve their mental well-being, cope with difficulties, and develop healthier strategies for personal growth and emotional health. We are all so individual, and that requires a very individual approach.
Initial Assessment
Your first session will often involve an initial assessment where I get to know you, your background, and the reasons for coming to see me. I’ll ask about your personal history, current concerns, and goals for therapy. This assessment helps me to understand your unique situation
and tailor the approach to meet your needs best.
Confidentiality and Trust
Psychologists adhere to strict ethical guidelines, including maintaining the confidentiality of your sessions. You can expect a non-judgmental and empathetic environment where you can openly discuss your thoughts and feelings. Building trust is a crucial part of the therapeutic process, and your psychologist is there to support and guide you on your journey to better mental health.
Strategy
After the initial assessment, I will work with you to develop a personalised plan. This plan outlines your therapy goals, the strategies and techniques to be used, and the expected durationof the therapy. It serves as a roadmap for your sessions and helps track your progress.
Active Participation
Successful therapy often requires active participation from you and me; my approach offers solution-focused ways of rewiring the brain and helping you change difficult patterns. I’ll always encourage you to openly share your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. You’ll always get important and life-changing insights, feedback, and evidence-based strategies to help you better understand and cope with your challenges.
Regular Sessions
Therapy typically involves regular sessions scheduled at intervals that we agree upon. The frequency and duration of sessions can vary depending on your needs and progress. Committing to attending sessions consistently is essential to achieve the best results.
Progress and Feedback
As therapy progresses, we will regularly assess your progress toward your goals. You should feel comfortable discussing any concerns or questions about the process. Open communication ensures that the plan and therapeutic strategy remain effective and aligned with your evolving needs.